It’s common knowledge among our longtime followers and 18 facebook likers that one of the most beloved PO Life contributors, Cliff, has been deployed since February. From February up until now, everyone at The PO Life has lived a life of normalcy. But that’s all about to change. At time of print, Cliff was safely en route back to America, finishing his second and final tour of duty in Afghanistan.
For better or worse, having Cliff back stateside is sure to usher in a wave of changes. In this week’s edition of The Friday Five, we’re highlighting the Five Signs That Cliff is Back from Afghanistan, penned in a team effort by those that know him best: the writing staff of The PO Life.
Welcome back Cliff… I guess.
1) Eli’s Mom Has an Extra Mouth to Feed - by Eli and McCannon
Eli - I am one of four so my mother has been cooking large meals for my whole life. She’s a solid cook who loves little more than feeding groups of ravenous mouths. For years our house was a spot where the neighborhood kids could go to get stuffed. Alan and Rudy are regulars at our Thanksgiving meals. McCannon has made his way over for the only meal he eats (pizza). Easily the most overfed of my friends, however, was Cliff. Pretty much any time we would hang out he would ask what leftovers were hanging out in our family fridge or what my mom was cooking for dinner. He would pop over to the house, suck up to my mother*, and proceed to demolish the Costco-sized portions that were placed in front of him. Now that my parents are empty nesters, my mother is stuck cooking meals for two. Once Cliff is back, she can start cooking for six again. Her and my dad will each eat one portion, Cliff can eat four.
I am currently neck deep in a large amount of work, but I had to take the time to write a Part 2 post about the absolutely incredible FITS socks… which by the way, show no sign of losing their comfort after another couple months of Afghan heat.
My name is Clifford, I am a sock addict, and here is my story.
My friends and I started a blog, and I thought it would be fun to hype something that I am obsessed with… comfortable socks. I had no idea that my gratuitous sales pitch for FITS Socks would lead to…
Apparently being deployed, and expressing your undying love for a product can lead to receiving some of them free of charge. It really helps if the product in question is made in America by patriots. I had been tipped off by the FITS sales rep that I had some socks coming my way, but I had NO CLUE how many… I pretty much reacted like this.
Now everyday is Christmas for my feet., and the rest of my sock collection was packaged up…
And unceremoniously burned… Alright, I made that part up, I actually got them cleaned and then gave them to some local Afghans who I knew would appreciate them. Their feet have never been exposed to the FITS level of comfort and thus they can actually still enjoy other brands of socks. Now it’s just me and you FITS. Spending some quality time together as we watch an Afghan sunset.
I gave out a good quantity of these socks to fellow Paratroopers, and received some of the following reviews.
- It’s like they’re making love to my feet.
- Where did you find these things? Are they even real?
- Stuff like this is why we will eventually beat China, because they can’t reproduce quality like this, nobody can.
- Why would I ever wear anything besides these? Do you think I can wear them all the time? Would they hold up in the shower?
- I could see Jesus wearing these – Eddy
- These are too good to ‘bate into.
- Dr. Scholl’s ain’t got shit.
- It’s like my foot is in a constant state of ecstasy, it’s a footstasy if you will
So once again, thank you FITS, for not only supporting the troops, but, more importantly, my feet.
Last Sunday, HBO ushered in a new program to counterbalance the vampire porn and keep us halfway interested in premium television until Game of Thrones returns in the spring. From the mind of Aaron Sorkin comes The Newsroom. Newsroom picks up where Danny Boyle left us in 2008; Jamal Malik, of Who-Wants-to-Be-a-Mumbai-Millionaire fame, lands the job of a lifetime in the demanding world of cable news blogging. Along for the ride is Jeff Daniels, who offers a captivating intro to this news saga and a refreshing perspective into the current state of America. If you haven’t had a chance to check it out yet, watch the first few minutes of the pilot episode below.
There’s certainly a lot to react to here. For one, let’s quickly break down what the three panelists reasons are for America being dubbed “the greatest country in the world”:
- Token abrasive on-air liberal woman – “Diversity and Opportunity”. Typical safe, pandering bullshit. Yawn.
- Stand-offish conservative blowhard – “Freedom and Freedom”. Typical conservative doubling-down of Constitutional catch phrases. Bullshit.
- Our protagonist – “The New York Jets”. Honestly – go fuck yourself.
I realize this show is supposed to take place in 2010 in the height of the Rex Ryan/Mark Sanchez promise of tomorrow. But he’s clearly not a Jets fan. As a lifelong Jets fan myself, I can tell you with full honesty and sincerity that the New York Jets are quite possibly the worst thing about America. They represent a bottomless pit of hopelessness and disappointment. They live in the shadow of a more prestigious, more acclaimed, more dignified franchise and only make the back page headlines whenever the New York Post writers need a proverbial punching bag.
These are the working conditions I have to deal with!
Where cars ride on top of containers down the Highway.