We’re back bitches! I know you have missed us since we abandoned the blog in late 2012, but here is a quick recap of what we have been up. Get ready for loads of new content!
You’re welcome world. While you were off getting ready for the Holidays with your loved ones, yours truly was off saving the world from apocalypse. Defeating the prophecy of the “Mayan Calendar” was no easy task, but it was a cakewalk compared to the “Doomsday Demon” I had to fight off back in 1409. That fucker packed a real punch. Other than saving all of humanity from imminent destruction, I have been busy teaching the youth of America how to dribble a basketball and run at the same time. And no I don’t mean Rudy and Eli, I mean 15 year old freshman who are significantly more athletic.
Jaying off on my day off
Not too much to report on my time away from the blog. Honestly I was never the biggest contributor so my life wasn’t altered too drastically. I did take a trip to Utah, but not the really Mormon skiing part of Utah. It was the slightly less Mormon hiking part of Utah. I also spent a lot of time with McCannon on his days off.
I recently became the proud parent of a 1 year old Australian Shepherd.
Hey guys! Did you hear I’m going to grad school in the fall to get my MBA? Yeah, I’m going to grad school in the fall to get my MBA. I studied all summer for the GMATs and took a few months off from writing for The PO Life because I was preparing for my applications to grad school. Then, after I submitted my applications for grad school, I had some interviews. Then, after I had some interviews for grad school, I got some acceptance letters. Then, after I got some acceptance letters from grad schools, I got some scholarships from grad schools. Well not some scholarships, just really one scholarship. So, I’m now officially going to grad school this fall to get my MBA, but in the meantime, you can find me here on The PO Life. Instead of grad school (where I’ll be in the fall getting my MBA).
I’ve been claiming to be a nerd for years now. I’ve lived my life acting like a full blown Sci Fi, fantasy, comic book geek. Sadly, I was caught in a web of my own lies. The geek police did a full audit and realized that I’ve been half assing it for years.
They didn’t revoke my status but I’ve been put on probation. The last six months have been spent rehashing the familiar works of of Gene Roddenberry, J.R.R Tolkien, and Orson Scott Card. I’ve also gone through nerd rehab by plowing through the finer points of Joss Whedon’s portfolio. I’m almost done with Battlestar Galactica and when I’m finished, they’ll take me off of probation. I’m finished coasting, though… hold onto your butt Isaac Asimov, I’m coming for you!
I’ve become the fakest (and yet most real) Redskins fan.
I’ve come back to Amurika.
I’ve taken up crochet in my spare time.
I’ve run my first 100 mile race.
I’ve invented the question mark.
I’ve recently become unemployed.
I’ve bought a fantastic pair of sunglasses.
I’ve caught up on sleep.
I’ve tried to scale back on my lying.
I’ve set goals for myself (like not lying so much).
I’ve eaten more vegetables.
I’ve come to grips with my own mortality.
I’ve really worked on my flossing.
I’ve absolutely detested hearing about everyone elses’ successes.
I’ve gotten off Facebook.
I’ve gotten back on to Facebook.
I’ve purchased many leatherbound books.
I’ve embraced change.
I’ve gotten a tattoo on my chest. (It says YOLO in Chinese).
Al and Bart
Al and Bart, much like Bertram Grover Weeks of Sandlot fame, got really into the 60s. Nobody’s really heard from them.
Good afternoon. I just returned from the middle of nowhere and subsequently had no knowledge of anything that happened in the news the past week – what’s your excuse? Well, I just caught myself up on a bunch of last week’s events and am bringing you a litany of information you might not have known. Read forth:
Alan here. Clifford was unable to do this week’s post so I’m filling in at the helm. There’s a lot I want to cover, so in lieu of the usual couple items plus commentary I’m just going to barrage you with news and hope you take something away from one of the stories.
Let’s get started:
A lot has been said recently about LeBron James, whether it be about his inability to win the big game, his general attitude towards life, or simply people’s general disdain for his existence. He went from one of the most universally loved athletes of our time to one of the most universally loathed athletes in the world, almost overnight. The majority of the haterade being poured all over LeBron is due to the two most dreaded words in the LeBronacular*: The Decision. Let me preface this whole post by saying that not only am I a huge NBA fan, but an overwhelmingly supportive fan of LeBron. But I am going to do my best to create a balanced, and hopefully rational, argument as to why LeBron is very undeserving of all of the hate.
When we last left off, we were analyzing the musical expressions that defined America’s darkest hour. As foreign terrorists drilled through the parking lot of a downtown Birmingham Piggly Wiggly with hopes of enslaving the coveted entertainment icons of our childhood – The Looney Toons, America rose up as one to say “We Got a Real Jam Going Down!”
As Hollywood would have it, this plight was captured just a year later in the tear-jerking classic Space Jam. The following seven songs formulated the second half of the 6x Platinum record.
Track Eight - “Upside Down (‘Round-N-Round)” by Salt-n-Peppa - Ordinarily, I’m fairly critical of an artist being sampled. There’s a short list of untouchable musical icons that should never be insulted – The Beatles, Elvis, Diana Ross, Chumbawumba, to name a few. However, Salt-n-Peppa’s “Upside Down” restores my faith in Motown sampling. They even tie in some digital shaking sounds in the background to further their branding alignment with common table condiments. A marketing tactic sure to be discussed in the Harvard Business School Case Study Method for eons to come.
The second to last event of the Groomsman Games was mine (attn: foreshadowing) and I chose a playground game from our younger days – knockout.
I love knockout. I must have played it almost every day after elementary school at my daycare. I was good, too. I’ve been advocating for the NBA All-Star game to institute knockout for years. I played it any and every chance I had through the last year of gym: sophomore year of high school.
And then I stopped.
In fact I didn’t just stop playing knockout, I stopped touching basketballs all together until nine years later when the Groomsman Games came calling.
The year is 1995. Economic prosperity has reached new heights, as the Dow eclipses the 4,000 point mark for the first time in history. Yet, all is not well.
America sits on the brink of destruction from a bioterrorism attack. What begins as a small, contained endemic quickly escalates into a full blow epidemic that grips the United States. Mass panic and fear of the uncertainty consume the heart of the nation. Outbreaks are reported coast-to-coast, from New York and Philadelphia to Charlotte and Phoenix. The symptoms range from “five-feet nuthin’ girls blocking [one's] shots” to impotence.
Worst of all, there is no recognizable common source of the infection. That is, until creatures from a foreign land reveal the zoonotic cause. The world would call upon its savior – professional minor league baseball player Michael Jordan – one final time, to fight tyranny and oppression.
Chronicled in the 1996 classic, Space Jam, this tale became cemented into cinematic lore to teach our children the valuable lessons of exchanging your life for amusement park imprisonment. Accompanying the $230 million success story was a 14-track ensemble of empowering composition that dominated minivan cassette decks for months to come.
Join me, if you will, on a journey through the most inspiring and eclectic 65 minutes of music that humanity has ever had the privilege of being exposed to.